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Can Kebabs be Healthy?
Since the start of this competition this debate has raged amongst the
competitors, so a couple have been putting this all-important question
to the test.
Firstly does the type of kebab make a difference? Oh yes! Anyone who has
woken the morning after a big session wandering how they got home and
what that odd taste in their mouth was can tell you that the Donna might
be the classic kebab but it is not for the slimmer. The thick layer of
congealed orange grease in the bottom of the polystyrene kebab box you
stumble across the next morning, is enough to put the sober mind off
Donnas for life. It is just a shame the sober mind is never engaged when
choosing a kebab.
A sober person might also be able to read a menu and discover a
multitude of kicking kebab combos, but when pissed there are only 2:
Donna or Shish? Examined closely, the components of a Chicken Shish
reads like the ingredients of a Weight Watchers Super Slimmer Meal. Lean
charcoal grilled chicken (skin removed), fresh green salad, red cabbage,
onions, fresh tomatoes, chillies, chilli sauce (to increase the
metabolism) and pita bread. But when cooked in a kebab shop can they
metamorphosis these goodies into a lard drenched artery blocking fat
snack? Some can, but as a rule they are not bad, which would suggest
that a heavily boozed brain has a 50 50 chance of taking care of its
body. The big problem with the Shish is it takes too long and the
drunken hunger is a fierce master, so the good intentions of the Shish
can often be ruined by the portion of chips needed while you wait.
This raises the topic of timing. Is the traditional 2:00 to 4:00am slot
the best time to eat anything? Probably not, especially if you have
already had the standard 3 meals that day, a forth is pure gluttony.
Should one eat after a fifteen pint bender? This might be seen as just
adding to the irreconcilable damage that has been done by the skin full
that has drawn you to the bright lights of the kebab shop, like a
helpless moth. Unless, of course, you remember to throw up afterwards,
preferably on the pavement outside your house, acting as an extra lesson
the next day. So is there another time to eat them I hear you cry?
Surprisingly enough there is. However controversial it might sound the
extensive research has proved that a good Chicken Shish Kebab can be
eaten pre-booze like a novel stand-in for a more traditional evening
meal. Bizarre but true!
Therefore the findings of this investigation would suggest the Classic
Donna is off limits but a Chicken Shish, if eaten while sober before
8:00pm without the chips side salad is indeed healthy. But in reality,
would you?
Richard Dixon-Clark |
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